There are many definitions of feminism, maybe as many as there are people. I know that women have been saying what feminism means to them for at least eighty years, and I am glad to be part of the heritage.

I hear a lot of talk about feminism here. And I hear a lot of words like man-hater, lesbian, old, ugly, and separatist. But what I hear most when people talk about feminism is the word "unfeminine." This is odd, because it clashes with my core idea of feminism.

You see, I am female; by definition, I am feminine. By induction, what I do and what I am is feminine. But be wary; that way lies revolution.

What I do is feminine. What I wear is feminine. How I arrange my makeup and hair is feminine. My personality is feminine. And any work I do is feminine.

Intellect (and showing it off) is feminine. Logic is feminine. Math is feminine. My favourite sport, fencing, is feminine. Being more adept at my job than the man next to me is in his (and being paid more for it as a result) and getting paid more than my mate is feminine. So is asking a man for a date, paying for our dinner and initiating sex afterwards. Even having no desire for children--all these are feminine.

I can no longer be terrorized by society's, my mate's, or my employer's allegations of unfemininity. Those women in "traditional" careers--secretaries, wives, mothers, teachers, nurses--do not have a monopoly on femininity.

And, by induction, what other women do is feminine too. If a woman is a musician, a miner, a president of a university (or a country), or an engineer, it is feminine.

And again, by induction, what a man does is masculine. Dishwasher, child care worker, nurse, secretary, or prostitute, if a man--any man--wants to do it, it is masculine.

Still, you say, that is not so very revolutionary. But I differ. So much of our lives are ruled by others' judgments of us. I have seen strong, able, splendid women crippled by others' gibes of unfemininity. I have seen women drop out of contests, retire from businesses, and renounce valuable tasks because of just such taunts. It is an appalling waste of their talents to forbid them their desires because society judges their vocations "unfeminine."

I do not want to deny or destroy the distinctions between men and women. I also do not want to deprive those men and women who prefer the traditional roles of their choices. If a woman wants to stay home and have children, that is great. For her. If a man wants to fix cars, it's fine with me.

By my logic, then, I do not expect my mate to hold a job. He is not a bankomat, he is a human, more like me than not, with his own idea of how he'd like to live. If he does not like the typical masculine role of breadwinner, fine. If he wants to stay home with the baby while I work, that is for the two of us to agree upon. If he wants to move from town to town with me every time I relocate for a better job, it is our decision.

For that matter, I am not a maid, babysitter, laundress, secretary, or nurse. I want to be able to make choices that work for us and for me, free from the restraints of "conventional" masculinity and femininity.

Because I do not adopt the traditional role society has urged on me, sometimes I fear my freedom and my duty to define myself; "feminine" and "masculine" are no longer boundaries. But once the boundaries fade, we are not thinking of people as "feminine" or "masculine" any more. We are making a wider range of choices for human beings. Yet that range can be awesome, and there are times when I envy the women who are happy in their customary roles.

So this is my idea of feminism. I want to make men and women human. I want to make a greater set of alternatives viable for all of us.

And if we can achieve that, we will have a revolution indeed.

Discussion | Home | Writing sample list | CV